little update

I haven't had much to talk about in a while. Everything is day to day. Work has slowed down a bit. I haven't had to work at the store for a few weeks now. I was lucky enough to find myself a wonderful boyfriend. I think things are going well in general.

I try to keep myself busy when I have time off. I reconfigured my room last weekend out of necessity. It is hard to watch a 40" TV from a close range. I talked about how my overpriced phone is my graduation present for myself. I think the TV counts as my first big purchase after I got my job. It is about time to upgrade my computer monitor. 40" actually look relatively small when I am sitting in the middle of the room.

My sense of time and urgency has been slacking ever since I got out of school. Mainly because I don't have any homework. I have been trying to line up some projects for myself. I got one of the huge ones out of the way. Everything in my room has been moved around. I still need to put things back into place and pull unnecessary things out. That shouldn't take too long if I really put my mind to it. I need to start working on my website. I have a very good general idea on how to build it. It will take some time, to learn and apply some building skills. I need to learn from the ground up because I want to have some clean code and have it be flexible. I think it will be worth the efforts in the end. I'm not too worried about the actual contents for the time being. I figure with the topics I want to put into the site, the contents will fill itself eventually.

I know I have made similar posts over the years regarding these things. But I really feel this time I will get around to it. It's hard to believe, but it's true. Every day I am making little changes to my surrounding and myself. I'm working on it. One of my major flaws is that I am really a perfectionist. If I can't make something perfect, I simply stop working on it. I have many many unfinished projects. I collect random things with the intention of putting them into scrapbooks. I am not as artistic as I would like to think. I do have an eye for the aesthetics and have collected many things over the years. I am forcing myself to sort out these things and figure out what I really want. What defines me?

drinks

I had one of those days where I needed a drink at the end of it. I forgo the urge to pick up that bottle of Patron Silver at Trader Joe's and settled for a mini keg can of Heineken chilling in my fridge instead. Not a good Monday at work, I forgot my badge this morning and everyone went home early from feeling blah. That is a first in all my time there. It also didn't help that I was worried the whole day about somebody who was sick. I was worried that he had passed out. I went over to his house after work and banged on his door for what seemed to be forever. I really wanted to just stare him down and sarcastically say, oh you're still alive, then turn around and walk away.

I feel like an idiot to care so much.

selfish

I took a walk today during my break from work. It felt great and I did what I wanted to. That's the key word for me for the last few days. I realize how often I don't think for myself and blindly do what other people think would be best for me. I have gotten a few major hurdles out of my way and I am satisfied with the way I reached these major goals. I can't say I am completely happy. I realize that society, family, and friends have pressured me to behave a certain way for the past 26 years and I caved. I think it really is time to examine the things that makes me truly happy from the bottom of my heart.

It is mostly my fault that I allow myself to be so sheltered and closed in. I am insecure and needs validation. In some places such as my academic career and professional career I have become incredibly confident out of practice. In other ares, not as much. I can understand hard work and how to establish my path to a successful career for stability and comfort, it's the what to do with all of that part I haven't figured out.

What exactly am I working so hard for? I was fortunate enough to capitalize on an incredible opportunity. I am reluctant to leave the thing I am familiar with. I have refused to quit out of loyalty. I don't want to disappoint. That is not thinking for myself.

I can't think of a more confusing time in my life. Hanging on to the past and yet to fully embrace the future.

I need to learn to be selfish.

in case of fire

IMAGE_096
Originally uploaded by odrini

VG 6

In Case of Fire
Break Glass

short

It's been quite a while since I had some time to myself. I tried to write some a couple of weeks ago and it just didn't really happen. So a little update.

I started work at Apple and I found a man. I'm working 7 days a week and somehow need to drag my butt out of bed early enough to go to the gym. That's the short version of it.

breaking the habit

I broke the habit. I've been writing on this little piece of interwebs real estate since 9/22/2005 and I never missed a week until this past one. It has been a very interesting July for me. I had been sitting on my butt for the past two months just feeling unmotivated and down, then all of a sudden things came together.

Two months ago I finally graduated. It was one of those times when I think to myself, "well now that's done with.... what in hell am I going to do now?" It was great that I got that huge step out of the way, but I ended up sitting on my ass pretty much right off bat. I figured I deserved some sort of vacation. Sure I looked around for jobs but I was picky. I had a grand total of 1 interview in the whole process.

I had roughly two months of sitting on my ass and do nothing. Well maybe not "nothing". I did get around to go run. I lost about 7 lbs so far and it really shows. I need to get back into that habit. I liked it. My body adjusted to the exercise and I can do it forever. I need to work on my play list though.