Entitled

Once again I'm in one of those funky moods. I got up at 5 this morning and did some homework. Got to class, not listening, did more homework. Why you ask? Because I'm lazy. Yesterday was not motivating at all. I got up early and took my piggie to the vet. Went to lunch with my buddy who I didn't even know it was his fricking birthday. Got home and pretty much did nothing. Mind you I had a lot of homework. Papers, labs, midterm to study for. So why didn't I get on that? I don't know. Motivation? There is certainly enough incentive to do them, mainly my grade. I think this morning I finally made the connection that there is some sort of relation between the amount of effort I make, and my grade. Go figure. I have got this whole procrastination thing down to an art. I didn't sleep well last night. Because I didn't know how to get the things I need to do done with the amount of time I have alloted for myself. I even looked on the grading sheet to see if I can wiggle out of it. No such luck. I have only 1 thing left to do, which is a gigantic paper. It's due tonight. I sort of started it. Fun huh. Maybe I do work well under pressure. It's just dumb that I tend to generate pressure for myself. Haven't I learned to prioritize? I am the most organized person I know, and I am a mess because I don't follow through. It really doesn't sit well with me and I don't have the motivation to change. I know what the results can look like if I'm willing to change. I will be better for it. But it seems I have hit some sort of plateau where I just don't feel like moving on. I'm taking an extended break I feel like I'm entitled to. What is there for me to look forward to if I were to proceed with added efforts? I'm not quite sure. It really isn't all that much that I have to do in order to move my life forward. Do homework, exercise, eat less, organize and throw things out from my room/house/storage. That's all. Then why am I stuck? I don't feel like doing homework a majority of time. I'm too lazy to make time to exercise. Don't want to make an extra effort to cook for myself when it's all done for me. Everything seems organized enough for the time being. I think I'm at a point where I'm more comfortable then before. I like having this comfort, but I would also like to improve. But I think I need a reason. A greater reason. True that all of these little things will improve my quality of life, but will it make me happy? Maybe I'm afraid that it will not. Doing those things may not be enough for me. After I do those things I would want more. And I'm afraid that I won't know what it is that I need to do to make me happy. It's true that I have been feeling very empty for quite some time now. I don't know what will fill that void. I have friends, my family, my health, financial stability, somebody I care for. But what? What else do I need? What am I passionate for? I don't think I'm passionate for any of the hobbies I current part take in. I have lived a quarter of a century and I don't know the meaning of my life.

Diddy

http://www.hecklerspray.com/diddy-sued-for-punching-guy-setting-his-ass-on-fire/20067315.php/

Read on... 'nuff said

class essay

I am not a person for chaos, but my life has become a lot more predictable then I would like it to be. There is an order to everything I do, my whole life is scheduled. My week typically starts on Monday when I have my day off. It is not a bad start, but it turns out to be the only time in the week when I can relax a little. Tuesdays I have class from 7:30 until 8:45. That is Am to Pm. Little more then 13 hours on campus is not what I call easy. Wednesdays are my “freak out” days. I typically spend the day doing whole weeks worth of laundry and catch up on homework. I usually cap off the day with bowling. Thursdays I am back to school again. I work on Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays. Then my whole week starts all over again.

In the last few weeks I have started a few hobbies that had me spending more and more time at the local crafts store. The two things I have always considered to be domesticating activities, crocheting blankets and scrapbooks, have become my obsession. I love making huge blankets that are typically two colored king size blankets that can double as bed covers. These blankets and throws became very handy during the recent cold spell. I love photography. I have more photographs then I know what to do with. A good friend of mine suggested that I scrap. I have always been reserved about scrapping because of how much money I can potentially spend. I tried to tell myself how I can conserve and not go crazy on buying supplies. I was right all along; this is going to be one of the biggest money drainers I have ever touched. For both of these things, I don’t think I started them because I truly love doing it. I wanted to do something out of the ordinary of my life and have something to show for it.

I think I am still trying to find something I can be passionate for. Work is work. School is school. Killing time is killing time. I can’t seem to find the meaning of my life through any of those things. I feel like everything is a distraction. I have been doing things to try to make other people happy. I’m not quite sure what makes me truly happy.

Britney

... tried to kill herself. Yeah... great. I think she's pissed off that Anna Nicole Smith died and took all her news space.

Difficult People

I think I attract them when I'm at work. Fun fun.

Photo Ink cost less then Color?

*boggled* There's 6 bucks difference here.... somebody tell me I can just use photo ink? lol

Happy March!

Well other then the fact that I've only had about 3 hours of sleep last night, I think it's going pretty well so far. Ask me again in 3 hours when I bomb the test I had to study for but opted for bowling....

Hey I bowled a 119-112-152. Slight improvement I think. I figured it out last night towards the end. Look down when I start walking, so I'm walking straight. Keep by body low, so I'm laying my ball down instead of dropping it. Try to follow through to my ear instead of my forehead. I've been pulling left a lot lately. If I follow through correctly it shouldn't be a problem.

I slept well for the little amount of time that I was sleeping. I woke up about 6 minutes before my alarm went off. Curse my internal clock. I am so frigging sleepy right now. I debated on if I wanted to go to class. I don't have much of a choice but to go to campus on time, because I had to leave before my parents do. Kind of sucks. Then I remember the Union doesn't open for another half hour. *sigh* Now I'm sitting in class. Yes, I'm blogging instead of paying attention.

I have roughly an hour and a half after this class to study and answer an essay question. I have to make a note sheet too. I'm glad I type up my notes on a regular basis, that really helps. I guess I do have to go to all my classes today. There's something significant in every one of them. All I really want to do is to sleep. That is going to be the first thing I do when I get home. Go to bed and sleep until I wake up. Just set the alarm for work tomorrow. yeah...

I just looked at my schedule and there is so much stuff I have to do for school.

The weather has been... cold. I know I don't live in the coldest place in the world. Not like I live where there's snow. Walking around when the temp is in the 40's is still not my idea of fun. I'm wearing a hoodie and a down jacket with hats, gloves, and scarf, and I'm still cold.

I brought my gym bag. I wonder if I'll be alive enough to go run this afternoon. I'm not sore anymore. I really should get some mileage in. I think I'm doing ok with my calories intake right now. What I really need to do is to burn it off. Portion control is what I need to work on. For the most part the things I pick to eat are pretty healthy, I just need to eat less of it.

I am so sleepy right now. Think I can sneak a half hour nap in before class is over....