suddenly

This is the third sudden deaths in the last few years. I hope it really doesn't run in the family. It happened so fast that my dad didn't even made it back to Hong Kong in time. In fact he's waiting to take off right now in SFO. We were just planning for my grandfather's 80th banquet just a few days ago. This has just drained the life out of my dad. It's time for me to step up. I'll take care of things while he's gone. It's time for me to act responsible for once.

Fix You

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
When the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

High up above or down below
When you too in love to let it go
If you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Tears stream down on your face
I promise you I will learn from the mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Coldplay - X&Y

the void

I feel like I've been screaming out for attention recently. Do I really feel alone enough to embrace drama? perhaps. Maybe I wouldn't have the same feelings I've been having if I lived a more interesting life. I crave the spot light. Every fiber of my being. There's a big void right smack in the center of me that I have no idea how to fill. Maybe it's not meant for me to fill it.

I've been acting in the way the people would expect me to act. In truth, I didn't have to tell anyone anything that is going on with me. But why does it make me feel a little better when I tell people these things? Maybe I just crave the feeling that somebody actually gives a shit about me.

It's ironic. I've learned that I'm actually very good at pushing people away. I have a way to keep people at a distance dispite all the things I blab about myself. It's selective. I don't think anyone truly understands me. I could argue that one person comes close, but even that person doesn't have the whole picture.

Anyway, what I'm saying is, nobody really knows me.

weekend of death and dying

This is probably the worst week I have had in a very very long time. And I hope this will be the last time all this type of shit gets piled on me in this short period of time.

It started with a very long and silent phone conversation, then I broke the bank, and I skipped a few classes during the week. I haven't touched any of my homework and there are four midterms next week.

I had to work way too early on saturday. It didn't stop there. I then drag my tired ass up the bay to end something I felt should be ending in a lot of levels. Then a few infuriating comments made me have second thoughts. I fell asleep crying.

I found out no matter what I do I'll never really make my parents happy.

I think I injured my knee a bit more while I was running this morning.

Then this afternoon we got a call that my grandfather is in the hospital with pneumonia and he's on the ventilator. It doesn't look good. My dad has to fly out, as it happens, tomorrow night instead of tonight because he couldn't get a ticket.

I have a 15 hour day tomorrow.

To top it off, my guinea pig died yesterday when nobody was home.

What a bitch of a week.

RIP Spotty...

wtf....

Rocky VI? Rambo IV? wtf is up w/ Sly? is he strapped for cash or is he having a post-mid-life crisis? and all I wanted to see was Indy IV... *sigh*

blast from the past....

LMAO!.... man... I didn't think I'd ever see this again. Just remember this...

Facts:

1. Ninjas are mammals.

2. Ninjas fight ALL the time.

3. The purpose of the ninja is to flip out and kill people.