good job...

I scared the shit out of myself this morning while I was walking to class. I skipped my first class because I didn't have to turn in anything and I needed another hour of sleep to last me through the day. As I was walking to my class something prompted me to check if my bag was open. Sure enough, it was. What's more is that my pda was missing. Long story short, I found it wedge between my car seats after took my test. So here I am. Doing what I do best when I'm in class, multitasking.

I started doing some yoga yesterday. I need to figure out when the classes are. I think I want to start going to the early morning class. That means I have to wake up early for it. There is an alternative I am working on. I need to make more space in my room for me to stretch out. I just need to clear out those boxes. I did some of that yesterday. I finally cleared off all my CD cases. That helps a lot.

There is this girl in my class just needs a paper bag over her head. Or take that ugly makeup off. Sorry, totally random rant.

My internet went down this morning. I don't know why, and I didn't have time to fix it. Very annoying.

I need to spend sometime this week to work on reshaping myself. I have to work on a meal plan and find time to exercise. I got the new weight watcher's cookbook yesterday. I am going to try to follow on a 22 point diet again. I've just been loosing track. So much to do. I'm a bit addicted to trail running right now. I can't wait until the next time I get to go up to Rancho San Antonio again.

I really have to star working on those websites. My own, the class one, and whatever else. I think I can afford to get that web hosting with the two year contract after my next check. It's going to be a pretty good size one too. It's good to be working this much. I can use the money and it gets me away from shopping. Shopping kills. Lol....

I subscribed to Netflix yesterday. I intend to become a power user, enough said.

11:30 am
Last stretch. I hate this frigging class. It's so retarded. I have been here two days in a row, I want to pull my hair out. There are some people here that are so frigging retarded I want to weed them out. I could just go sleep instead.

Sometimes I get so stressed I want to throw myself off a building. I'm learning to take a step back and breath. I have been very snappy at people. I need to get back into meditation that's what.

Care. Love. Lust.

How is it possible that that don't/can't/won't feel all of the above for a single person. It would be ideal if that does occur, but it doesn't seem possible for me. I was watching Swingers tonight, and the thing about the phone call all of a sudden stuck out at me. I got my proverbial phone call in a form of an email almost a month ago, and it never occur to me to reply to it. I guess I'm at that stage. I just don't care enough to reply. Doesn't mean I don't care, but it seems I have moved on.

I'm thinking with that, I have moved on from other things too. Some of it doesn't sit well with me, but it will have to do. Not worth going to jail over it.

I'm suppose to be writing a food diary for my PE class, but I can pretty much just write it because I've done it before. Not something I will sweat. The purpose of it is for me to see my eating trends. I should write one of those for people I'm attracted to. I think it's pretty plain, I'm always attracted to total jackasses. It's not even the bad boy thing, it's more the damaged goods, intellectual jackass thing. Enough to make me go wtf.... At any rate, too many people at work thinks I'm gay anyway. Whatever. I really don't want to stress over it. But it's not that easy to do. So I don't know.

Crash In To Me

You've got your ball
you've got your chain
tied to me tight tie me up again
who's got their claws
in you my friend
Into your heart I'll beat again
Sweet like candy to my soul
Sweet you rock
and sweet you roll
Lost for you I'm so lost for you

You come crash into me
And I come into you
I come into you
In a boys dream
In a boys dream

Touch your lips just so I know
In your eyes, love, it glows so
I'm bare boned and crazy for you
When you come crash
into me, baby
And I come into you
In a boys dream
In a boys dream

If I've gone overboard
Then I'm begging you
to forgive me
in my haste
When I'm holding you so girl
close to me

Oh and you come crash
into me, baby
And I come into you
Hike up your skirt a little more
and show the world to me
Hike up your skirt a little more
and show your world to me
In a boys dream.. In a boys dream

Oh I watch you there
through the window
And I stare at you
You wear nothing but you
wear it so well
tied up and twisted
the way I'd like to be
For you, for me, come crash
into me

-- Crash -- DMB

I know I know....

I've been slacking on my writing lately.... I didn't mean to. I actually went a full day without playing WoW. Yeah I'm doing well. I don't think I will play it regularly anymore. I don't think I can afford it mentally. So I guess I've learned to do things on my own terms. So yeah, meditation and breathing exercises works for me. As soon as I clear more of my room off, I can do yoga in my room. Yay ^_^

You're So Money Baby....

I watched Swingers again tonight.... I don't know why. It's just that once in a while I can relate to it or something. Every six months? haha.... Makes me want to go to Vegas. *sigh*

Sometimes...

Sometimes I just feel like I haven't accomplished anything at all.... and most of the time I'm right.

I think this is one of those times.

I did run a few errands today. I guess that was good, but of course I always get more then what I need when I'm out. That's the way it always goes with me. I am a bit more aware of what I'm doing though, so that's different. I think I've finally figured out that life actually does goes on whether or not I nit pick on it. So there's no point for me to get so stressed out over everything. I'll figure it out somehow.

I did some shopping yesterday and today, got a bunch of stuff I wanted. It's nice.

BELETED!!!

Yup, I deleted somebody off my myspace friends just because he's a jackass. Not who you think it is, but yeah he pissed a few of us off today at work. So there.

You Might Die Trying

To change the world, start with one step
However small, the first step is hardest of all
Once you get your gait, you'll be walkin' tall
You said you never did, cuz you might die tryin'
Cuz you might die tryin', cuz you...

If you close your eyes cuz the house is on fire
And think you couldn't move until fire dies
The things you never did, oh, cuz you might die tryin'
Cuz you might die tryin', you'd be as good as dead
Cuz you might die tryin', cuz you might die tryin'

(sax solo) I still remember I woke up and all ran away

If you give, you begin to live
If you give, you begin to live
You begin, you get the world
If you give, you begin to live
You get the world, you get the world
If you give, you might die tryin'
Oh you might die tryin', you might die tryin'
The things you never did, oh cuz you might die tryin'
You'd be as good as dead
The things you never did


-- Stand Up -- DMB

Figured out

I think I know what part of my problem is. I'm afraid of change and anything different. Why is it I am so afraid of the world and keep hanging on to stuff I know? I think it's the way I'm conditioned. I'm so cautious. I'm almost too eager to be domesticated. I skipped the whole going wild and experiment phase to the whole domesticated phase. Now I'm all out of wack. I think that's probably it. So I guess I'm not a risk taker.

Long days....

My days have been long lately.... suppose I should stop bitching and start doing some of the homework that is due tomorrow.... *sigh*

But hey, I got a new school bag ^_^ wooohoo!

I did it!

I got that medium Timbuk2 bag! Different color though.... blue on left, gold center, green right.... it's sooooo cool.... I even got the grip shoulder pad... woohoo! *dances around*

I also got one of those ergonomics kneeling chair this morning for 8 bucks.... comfy.... long hours in front of the computer now with no back pain... haha

Obsession

I'm back in WoW.... again.... more self control this time? probably.... anyway....

Another interesting one from work: What are the chances of recovering pictres from a laptop hard drive, open a random one on random to check if they are actually there instead of links, and find the following: a graduation picture of the ex from high school I still hate, his best friend who also was one of my best friends, and my other ex's mother in the background..... creepy. I guess the chance was pretty good since it was graduation pictures from the EE reception, we all went to the same school, and the hard drive belongs to my friend's girlfriend..... yeah.

Cover

Here is a good one for you.... Somebody came into the store yesterday with his laptop saying the operating system does not load. It was checked in and I ran a battery of tests on it. Everything looked fine, except the hard drive was not detected. I observed the notes and it mentioned that some water was spilled on it. From that I hypothesized either the circuit or the hard drive itself was blown out. Since I have been trained to milk all the money I can off of anything we check in, I decided to pop out the hard drive to see if I can spin it up for a data rescue. Good thing I unplugged it before I took it out, because the hard drive was dripping when I took it out. The only thing that is puzzling about the whole scenariois, how did they managed to just soak the hard drive when it is off to the side on the bottom? Weird.

I worked yesterday, that's a whole different story. All I have to say is, if you want me to do something for you, you better give me a good reason. So I'm not pissed at the person who eventually asked me to do it, I'm more upset at the person I covered for.

no surprises

1) securing the border
2) national guard troops
3) high tech stuff
4) temp worker program + temp IDs
5) the not-amnesty

Interesting. It's pretty concise, but um, where is the money coming from? That is all.

Irony

I walked past a kiosk this morning on the way to class and found a bit of irony. There were rows of yellow paper soliciting for workers for the campaign for the environment. So these tree killers want to protect the environment. Nice.

On a side note, I hypothesize that all math teachers either grows a beard or owns a pair of ugly sandals. Tell me if you agree.

This weekend had been interesting, again. The work load at school is starting to build up, I'm working a bit more, and the weather had been ungodly hot. That last point is relative I suppose, the guy I worked with last night just came back from Iraq the day before, to him, this is the best thing ever. Anyway.... Everybody were demotivated at work, even the one I dubbed "power house". It got so bad I went to get a tub of birthday cake remix to share.

I ended up playing some WoW this weekend. Can't say I haven't missed it. It's going to be increasingly hard for me to play it though because of the way my rig heats up. I will try to get something going despite that. Especially now that we have more people to commit to a single server. That would be interesting. On the other hand I will have to respec Odrini on silverhand to tank, perhaps after I farm some factions.

During a conversation yesterday between 4 people, the notion of "the one with the most toys in the end wins". I then mention I do have a lot of toys,just missing a boy toy. He instinctively went "ouch". That got me laughing. It was the same ouch I got when I relayed to him how I had fend off somebody by saying how I already have somebody else in mind though not as good looking. Long story. I made a few digs at him yesterday about the shit he's been putting me through. We had a few good laughs. I guess we're good for now. For now. Oh and in his words, he has to pay me back for lunch with sexual favors. I'll have to hold him to it, haha.

I started crocheting with the pile of black and orange yarn I have in my closet. I have about 3 and a half rows going on. That is actually pretty impressive considering I am making a king size blanket. A house warming gift I'm hoping, if I can finish it on time. That will be pretty cool. The problem is the crocheting in the heat part. Better keep myself hydrated...... Lol

Finance wise I'm down about 20 bucks for the week already. Great. It is bringing lunch to work and not spending anything for the rest of the week. Piece of cake right? Riiiiiight.....

Here are a few fashion tips for the ladies this summer. I know I don't have the best figure, but at least I know what looks flattering.
1) do not wear Juicy Couture hip-hugging pant if you have a cottage cheese ass. I almost walked into a fence trying to avoid looking at that. No offense, but you have to know it is an actual hazard.
2) Transition lenses are for grannies. Futuristic? Yeah that's cause they won't live long enough to see it.
3) Don't wear heels if you are a complete ogre. What do you need that added height for?

man... I think that's all I've got for now.... took me a while to get my internet back up... so yeah, I'm spent

heat

It's been so frigging hot today.... and the AC in the store is acting up.... friggin eh.... omg I'm burning up..... maybe I should stop crocheting.... lol

I'm in love....

with Hot 'n Spicy Chex Mix.... yeah... where's my friggin water.... omg... can't stop.... sad isn't it =P

save up

I finally picked a place to host my page, but I don't really have the cash to start the account. So here's the deal, I'll start building the site on my rig, and I'll save up for it. I intend to get a 2 year contract on it, that will cost me roughly $170. I'll give it a couple of months before I go ahead and get it. But in the mean time I'll try to get it ready for launch. I'm getting pretty excited about it ^_^

Cold Day In The Sun

Took the high dive into your brain

And you made your lonely calls

You just might wear your welcome out

If you don’t let it go

There’s nothing that you couldn’t say

Cuz you’ve said it all before

I think it’s time you walked this lonely road

all on your own

It’s your cold day in the sun

Looks like your bleeding heart has already won

I wish I could take it away

And save you from yourself

You get so lost inside your head Like no one

else Are you looking for someone to blame?

Did you blame me all along?

You’ll take the heat

But you would never take the fall



It’s your cold day in the sun

Looks like your bleeding heart has already won



You’re so afraid that you are the only one

You are the only one

You know



Don’t be afraid cuz you’re not the only one

You’re not the only one

I know

-- Foo Fighters -- In Your Honor

Be missed....

I think this is going to be the last Saturday I will have free for a while. It was nice to just go out shopping for stuff, be out in the sun, and just relax. I recognize how important it is for me to actually have some sort of a break. It's hard to come by with my schedule. I'm behind on a lot of things, but it'll be made up. On the bright side my room is starting to come together. I don't think I've ever seen my bookshelf so organized. I got more of those boxes going for my media. I think I'll be finished with it today. The getting rid of the jewel cases part. I need the room, pretty badly. I think I can even put them right by my desk.... something to think about.

The last few days at work had been pretty productive. I've changed my selling strategy a bit and got more organized. It works. For some reason I found myself in a more of a leadership role at work. It's kinda nice, but it's a bit more work I'm not as used to. It's interesting. Feels like I'm being groomed for someting. Whatever.

I need to numb myself with school and work for a while. Everything that has happened, it's too much. All these frustrations is getting in my way. I need to get some work done, and all I can think about is this relatively trivial problem. It's a distraction for sure. Oh well. Bury myself with work it is.

I Feel....

I know there are so many things I'm feeling right now... but I guess I'm actively blocking it out. Sad isn't it. I think I'm sad for myself.... or am I? I don't know anymore..... I know it's been good at times, but it's so hard not to make things awkward. Stop, think, avoid. There we go.

feeling ugh....

It's just one of those nights I guess.... ugh....

financial makeover

I did a bit of a financial makeover today. I paid off a few cards, and I calculated how much I have left to pay off on the last one, of which the bill will not come for another week. What it came down to is, I will have $54.44 left in my checking account after all is said and done. I calculated how much I'm actually making, divided that in half for deductions and rounded it. I budgeted $200 per month for gym, gas, wow, and bowling. So I will have 50 bucks left to spend per week... yay... It's not a hard number, but let's try to stick to that. I guess I'll have to log down how much I'm spending and not use my credit card unless I absolutely have to. I'll do that for a month and see where I'm at. *sigh*

Troll Patrolz

I had a 2.5 hour break in between my classes today. I planted myself in the lab to get some work done... What did I end up doing? Trolling myspace.... I think I placed upwards of 20 comments... creepy. Let's see what sort of responses I will get. haha...

I was in a particularly good mood last night after a really crazy day at work. I think it was because of the group of people I ended up talking to before I passed out. That and I rode on John's Segway... that was so awesome.... I want one.

The weather has been so great this week. I think the warm sun has thawed everything (see 4 posts back).

I wrote this really assertive email last saturday night. I never thought I can get myself to communicate so clearly before. I don't know what it is. There's something about him that makes me not want to play games and just tell him straight up how I feel, whether it is good or bad. Whatever it was, I think it helped.

Credit Breakage

No more using my credit cards unless I have to. I have some cash in my pocket and I'll have to live off of that for a little while. Let's see what my check looks like on friday, and I'll go ahead and pay off all my credit cards. Yup. Paid off... this is gonna hurt, but I need to do it. I'm doing my spring cleaning afterall.

On that note, I'm looking forward to building my new website and putting it up. That's the thing that really prompted me to check how much money I really have. I want to get a host for it. I will do a little bit of shopping today though. That's really all for now. I don't think I'll need anything else for a while.

A Narrow Escape

Must Watch... RIGHT NOW!!!

A Narrow Escape

123 movies down

I have just taken 123 movies out of their boxes, put them in sleeves, and into a box. Now that I'm done with that, I'm starting with my TV shows... then onto CDs.... Yeah this is actually kinda fun ^_^

cold

the weather has turned a bit.... as is my heart....

another week

Yesterday was a little rough. I did get a lot done, but does it always have to be when I'm pissed off? Everything else were great. I ran a couple of miles in the morning, was kept busy at work, and had a great time at the bbq. I didn't talk to him yesterday, I didn't even say hi. Less of a chance to piss him off if I don't talk to him at all. I blew right past him on the way out at the end of the day. And if I had waited another 3 seconds I probably would have ran him over when I peeled out of the parking lot.

Got my accounting test back, I missed 2 points because I subtracted 9k instead of adding... I even put it on the correct side of the ledger.... so much for the perfect score.

Reorganize

I decided this morning out of pure frustration and anger, I have to reorganize my room. I tore everything off my shelves and went to work. Then I remembered... I have to put all those crap back tonight before I have a bed to sleep on. Genius. I did happened to finally open my Snatch deluxe edition and found it has a poker kit in it.... It's actually pretty amusing....

WTF did I ever do to deserve this wrath? I can't give somebody a hard time for ditching me? Somebody is missing the whole concept of being apologetic. If that's an attempt to push me away, it isn't working. Taking frustration out on me generally doesn't work.

Puzzled

It's been 2 weeks since I've noticed this really nice scent in my room. It smells really good, and really really familiar, but I couldn't figure out what it was and where it came from. It finally dawned on me that it's my vanilla jasmin home fragrance.... like 2 minutes ago... man I love that fragrance.

long one...

SAD SECTION

01. Have you ever really cried your heart out?
yup

02. Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?
yup

03. Have you ever cried on your friend's shoulder?
yup

04. Have you ever cried over the opposite sex?
oh yeah

05. Do you cry when you get an injury?
sometimes

06. Do certain songs make you cry?
a couple

07. Have you ever cried so much you got sick?
probably

HAPPY SECTION

01. Are you a happy person?
I appear to be

02. What can always make you happy?
I honestly don't know anymore

03. Do you wish you were happier?
I think so

04. Is being happy overrated?
nope

05. Can music make you happy?
all the time

LOVE SECTION

01. How many times have you had your heart broken?
Too many

02. Have you ever loved someone so much that you'd die for them?
I don't know

03. Anyone besides your friends/family ever said they loved you?
Yeah

04. Have you ever been head over heels?
I am

05. Who are three people you love right now?
Not gonna tell

HATE SECTION

01. Who do you actually hate?
nobody

02. Have you ever made a hit list?
nope

03. Have you ever been on a hit list?
maybe

04. Are you a mean bully?
When I am one, yeah

05. Do you hate George Bush?
I don't hate him, I pity him

I HAVE...

[]been to a rave.
[x] ridden in a taxi.
[] jumped a ramp with a bike.
[x] been used.
[] ran from the cops.
[] been fired
[x] snuck into a movie
[] car accident
[] fired a real gun.
[x] snuck out of the house.
[]been arrested.
[]gone in a mosh pit.
[x] stolen something from your school.
[]celebrated New Year's in Times Square or Disney World
[] gone on a blind date.
[x] had a crush on a teacher
[] celebrated Mardi-Gras in New Orleans.
[x] been to Europe.
[] been to Australia
[] been to Hawaii
[] been to Mexico
[x] skipped school
[x] thrown up from drinking.
[] played 'Clue'.
[x] had a sleepover.
[x] gone ice skating.
[] been cheated on.
[] had your tonsils out.
[]have/had a truck.
[x] driven a car.
[] totaled a car.
[x] flashed someone
[x] been flashed
[x] been mooned

DO YOU...

[x] feel loved.
[x] feel lonely.
[x]feel happy.
[x] hate yourself.
[] have a dog.
[] sing along with your music.
[] listen to Hawaiian Music.
[x] listen to rock
[x] listen to punk
[x] listen to hip hop
[x] listen to rap
[] listen to country.
[] listen to reggae.
[] listen to hardcore.
[x] listen to pop.
[x] listen to r&b.
[x] listen to jazz.
[x] listen to indie.
[] listen to christian music
[x] listen to bands that can't be put into a category.
[] listen to showtunes
[x] have hobbies
[x] get good grades
[x] play an instrument.
[x] have slippers.
[x] wear boxers
[x] wear eyeliner
[x] wear mascara
[x] like the color blue.
[x] like the color pink.
[x] like the color red
[x] like the color green
[x] like the color black
[x] like the color purple
[] like neon colors
[x] think all those colors are okay
[x] like to read
[x] like to write
[] have long hair.
[x] have medium length hair.
[] have short hair.
[x] have a laptop.
[] have a pager.
[x] have a cellphone

ARE YOU...

[x] bored
[x] happy
[x] upset
[] blonde
[] brunette
[] a redhead
[] Samoan
[] Filipino
[] Korean
[] French
[] American
[] Italian
[] Black
[] Spanish
[x] Asian
[] A Christian
[] A Muslim
[] Polish
[] Irish
[] German
[] Austrian
[] Russian
[] Norwegian
[] Danish
[] Hispanic
[] Other
[x] No clue.
[] Latino
[] a Hindu.
[] a scientologist
[] agnostic
[] athiest
[] satanist
[] religiously confused
[x] short
[] average
[] tall
[x] realistic.
[x] emotional person.
[x] IMing someone.
[x] scared to die.
[] buzzed
[] high
[x] caffeinated
[x] annoyed.
[] hungry.
[] thirsty.
[] on the phone.
[x] in your room.
[x] drinking something.
[] eating something.
[x] very ticklish
[x] listening to music.

LOOK AT ME

01. Whats your hair color?
black

02. Whats your natural hair color?
black

03. What color are your eyes?
dark brown

04. Current Piercings?
just ears

05. Straight Hair or Curls?
straight

CURRENTLY WEARING

01. What shirt are you wearing?
blue banana republic tee

02. Shorts?
nope

03. Shoes?
none

04. Underwear?
i think so

05. Necklaces?
yup

THIS OR THAT

01. Rock or rap?
rock

02. Coffee or Hot Cocoa?
quad shot fat free latte

03. Wild Night out or Romantic Night?
can't be wild and romantic?

04. Chocolate or Vanilla?
chocolate

05. Hummer or Sports Car?
Shelby

06. Bracelet or Necklace?
necklace

07. History or Science?
both

08. Sleep in or Early to rise?
sleep in

09. Beach or Boardwalk?
beach

10. Hoodie or Tee Shirt?
tee

11. Night or Day?
night

12. High School or college?
college

13. California or Oregon?
cali

14. Love at first sight or Learn to Love?
learn to love

HAVE YOU EVER

01. Hugged someone?
plenty

02. Been on the phone until the sun came up?
yup

03. Put a song on repeat for more than an hour?
oh yeah

04. Laughed so hard you peed in your pants?
haha.. yeah

LASTS

01. person you talked to in person?
robert

02. person you talked to online?
talking to someone right now

03. person you talked to on the phone?
john

04. laugh?
last night

0THER

01. Do you like surveys?
when i'm bored

02. What kind of shampoo do you use?
head and shoulder

03. Do you get along with your parents?
I seem to think so

04. Do you have mental breakdowns?
I think I'm still recovering from one

05. Did you ever fake being sick?
yeah

CURRENT

01. Current Mood:
bored and annoyed

02. Current music:
Such Great Heights -- The Postal Service

03. Current hair:
looks usual

04. Current School:
de anza

05. Current Thing I Ought To Be Doing:
keep cleaning my room

06. Current Windows Open:
my blog, blogger, gostats, gmail, slashdot, myspace

07. Current desktop picture:
"support the municipality" -- homestarrunner.com

buzz kill

yup.... that's all he needed to say... muthatrucker...

No Reply

Like the perfect ending,
It won't be long,
Till everything I've ruined has seen me gone,
In time, I pray you'll forgive,
Now you know the man I am,
Can you forgive me?

I fall,
Like the sands of time,
Like some broken rhyme,
At feet no longer there.

If only I could call the rain to melt and wash away the pain you feel
I would
You gave yourself to me and showed me what the truth could be
For that, I say thank you
This was my life
It never made much sense to me...

With every lie that I lived,
Part of me would fade,
Into this empty shadow I've become,
And now I feel so numb,
I no longer know myself,
But I still know you.

I call,
And there is no reply,
Like some phantom cry,
On ears too far away,

I close my eyes and watch as my life passes by,
The only thing I see is you,
For all the times you walked the line for me and standing by my side,
I say thank you,
Here lies my life,
It never felt that real to me.

You'll always mean so much to me,
And there's no reply,
And there's no reply,
You'll never know how much you meant to me,
And there's no reply,
And there's no reply,
You'll never know how much you meant to me.

If only I could call the rain to melt and wash away the pain you feel.
I would.
You gave yourself to me and showed me what the truth could be.
For that, I say thank you.
This was my life.
It never made much sense to me...

I close my eyes and watch as my life passes by,
The only thing I see is you,
For all the times you walked the line for me and standing by my side,
I say thank you,
You in my life,
It all meant so much more to be.

-- Yoko Kanno -- Cowboy Bebop: Tengoku no Tobira O.S.T.

Secret

Watch the sunrise
Say your goodbyes
Off we go
Some conversation
No contemplation
Hit the road

Car overheats
Jump out of my seat
On the side of the highway baby
Our road is long
Your hold is strong
Please don’t ever let go oh no

I know I don’t know you
But I want you so bad
Everyone has a secret
But can they keep it
Oh no they can’t

Driving fast now
Don’t think I know how to go slow
Where you at now
I feel around
There you are

Cool these engines
Calm these jets
I ask you how hot can it get
And as you wipe of beads of sweat
Slowly you say "i’m not there yet!"

-- Maroon 5 -- Songs About Jane

One of the best things about summer....

STRAWBERRIES!!! mmmmm..... my piggie agrees with glee ^_^

Peet's

I went to Peet's earlier to get my quad shot fat free latte, and I discovered a new display thing they put in the store. A Polaroid, a sharpie, and a cup full of thumb tacks. I couldn't resist.... hahaha... I took a picture of myself and labled it... "Put the caffiene I.V. back in!"..... If you wanna see it, add to it, it's at the Peet's on Steven's Creek in Cupertino.

what it is

I think I know what it is that is making me so flipping happy this past week. I think I feel loved. Having somebody tell me he cares about me makes the difference ^_^

do you ever...

Do you ever wake up in the morning with a smile on your face, knowing it was one of the best and vivid dreams you have ever had. 10 second passes, and you think to yourself... omg you're the most horrible person in the world... then go... I don't really care. haha.... yeah.... That alone put me in a really good mood this morning.

Today I will be productive, purely because I'm in a good mood and want to make changes. Last weekend I messed up my room again by building a new computer for my parents. Now that is done, and I don't have any more midterms to study for, I will get some work done. Getting my room back into shape will be good. I am going to go watch MI3 tonight, I can't wait. For the past week I stayed out late almost every night. Just hanging out and talking to my friends. It feels really good to just talk. I have to say last night I had the best time. Just eat, talk, and not playing any more mind games.

Best dream ever....

Oh yeah it was.... *grin*

This and That

I forgot my wallet this morning. Technically about 20 minutes ago. I know it is currently in my purse, on my desk. And I can care less. This is one of those mornings. I just don't much care. I have a midterm in a little less then an hour and I think I will do pretty well on it. I have been hearing people complaining about how hard their midterms are and they freak out over it. To me, they are no big deal. I have accepted the fact that they are going to suck. And I'm ok with that. There are so many more things to worry about in my life. It's not worth it for me to freak out over things that are just passing. So that's my thing about midterms.

With that I do admit that I have been slacking off again. My room is messy again due to my weekend project, and I'm a bit behind on my homework. I haven't even been playing games lately. I have mostly been trying to catch up on sleep. I slept well for like two nights. Last night I fell asleep almost immediately. But dreams, they kill me. I agree that dreams are deep rooted in the subconscious, and I guess that's my problem. It's not something I can just will away, because I know I don't want to. At first I was frustrated that I can't get what I want, now I'm frustrated that I can't just stop myself from wanting it. I guess I will be this way for a while. It is not my nature to just let go. I also know the pain of hanging on. I know if I get what I want now it will lead me back to that place again. I don't want him to experience the intense pain I have gone through on my account.

I watched "Sex, Lies,and Videotape" the other night. I'm wondering if I am starting to structure my life like Graham. Probably not on purpose. Good movie nonetheless.

I was semi-athletic yesterday. I spent part of my day by the pool, caught some sun, and I went bowling. The whole poolside thing was nice. I managed to get a couple of laps in before the ducks decided the pool belonged to them. It was nice to just lay out in the sun. Bask and read I say. I have been in a much better mood lately due to all the sun. I even got myself a new bathing suit yesterday. Now I just need to tone and really fit in it. It really isn't that hard to do when I put my mind into it.

Walk Away

Oh no
Here comes that sun again
That means another day
Without you my friend

And it hurts me
To look into the mirror at myself
And it hurts even more
To have to be with somebody else
And it’s so hard to do
And so easy to say
But sometimes
Sometimes you just have to walk away
Walk away

With so many people
To love in my life
Why do I worry
About one

But you put the happy
In my ness
You put the good times
Into my fun
And it’s so hard to do
And so easy to say
But sometimes
Sometimes you just have to walk away
Walk away
And head for the door

We’ve tried the goodbye
So many days
We walk in the same direction
So that we could never stray
They say if you love somebody
Than you have got to set them free
But I would rather be locked to you
Than live in this pain and misery

They say time will
Make all this go away
But it’s time that has taken my tomorrows
And turned them into yesterdays
And once again that rising sun
Is dropping on down
And once again you my friend
Are nowhere to be found
And it’s so hard to do
And so easy to say
But sometimes
Sometimes you just have to walk away
Walk away
And head for the door
You just walk away
Walk away

-- Ben Harper -- Welcome To The Cruel World

Sun

Yes yes I know it was getting cooler today, but it was just too nice for me to pass up. After running some errands I decided to spend my late afternoon pool side. It was nice... swam a few laps, did some homework, music, rootbeer. I needed it.

hump day ramble

I looked at my blog this morning and was a little sad. It looked so short. Then I realize what it was... I fnally spent some time last night to update the playlist, and that was hella long. Yeah, you can tell a lot about me by just looking at that side bar. I'm thinking about putting up movie ratings on there too. But the majority of movies on there I liked. So yeah.....

I ramble a lot when I'm bored. I guess I'm extra boring when I don't have any major conflicts in my life. That or when all that can be said about it is already said. I think I'm in that sort of a dead zone right now. I want to say more, but there isn't as much in my life to talk about, tre boring.

The weather is really nice today, I'm hoping to spend part of that pool side, and preferrably not alone. I will see some sun today somehow... Like right now, chilling in the shades. It's so nice. If i didn't have class I would be out tanning right now. It's good to finally fit into my swimsuit, and nicely at that. Ha!

I never really consider myself a morning person, but today is just too damn nice. I can get used to this. Believe it or not I actually lost a couple of pounds this week. I honestly don't know how it happened, but I'm right back where I was. It's time to really draft up that exercise and dietary program. It'll be good once I have a plan. I'm actually optimistic about this too because I actually have been getting things taken care of. and that's unheard of...

Night

So last night was a tad bit weird. As are many of my nights. As I said to a friend, "i'm bored, don't feel like studying, don't wanna clean, don't want to get up, not wanting to get sucked into a game, and the only copy of movie i have in my arms reach is sex, lies, and videotape". So that's what I did, I cleared my bed, and ended up watching that movie. I liked it. I'm also kinda tired right now. I do have that accounting test in 2 hours. Guess I'm not too worried about it. I almost forgot it's wednesday. Bowling... yay! ^_^

Wow I guess I have been pretty busy.

Oh yeah I did finish a bulk of the work on that PC, I just need to finish transferring back the files and sort the stuff. Plus a few more installationsion and what not, then I'll be done. I think I did pretty good ^_^

Success!

Took me a little while, but I finally set the jumpers correctly on my parent's new rig. Yay! The hard drive is currently being formatted, and the OS will be loaded tonight. The the fun part will be drivers.... ^_^

Bug Bite!

I sware it's not possible for a bug to get over there and bite me. Seriously! wtf....

Anyway.

I had another one of those dreams last night. It's interesting because it's a pretty nice dream. Nothing explicit, just being close to him. I woke up at 3:30 this morning with a bit of a smile on my face. The significance of this is that I'm not angry about it anymore. It's not frustrating. It's just nice. I still feel, and I still hope. Maybe I'm finally turning more human.