Dear Stephen,

Will you marry me?

http://www.crooksandliars.com/2006/04/29.html#a8104

Pain and Acceptance

I guess there are two different levels to what I feel. I'm slowly mastering pain tolerance. It's a trade off really. To hurt a little (well to me it's a lot still) now, is better then to hurt a great deal more later. But I really do feel better. The thing is, I'm not confused any more regarding the matter. It's just the painful truth. There's no second guessing. Can somebody tell me what is it like to be in love with somebody who you know cares greatly for you and not have to worry about how badly everything will turn out?

There is one thing I slept well on last night. I let go of my inhibitions and told him how much I love him. This is the second time I have ever done it in my life. Again I got burnt. But I'm ok with that. He just needs to know. I'm not afraid anymore.

Running

I ran a mile this morning. I know it's not much, it only took me 13 minutes to do it (horrible time btw), but that I did. It's a physical thing, but I know what I'm running away from. I'm running away from myself. The further away I am, the more sane it is. So that's that. I'm going to work.

1 hour 18 minutes and 5 seconds of honesty

Honesty, respect, and no more second guessing. With the knowledge of how agonizing it is for both of us, we talked. The details are not important. The point is, we care enough about each other to kill it once and for all before it hurts any more. But I did fight for it. For once in my life I tried to fight for what I wanted, even knowing defeat is eminent. I think a whole new dimension of our relationship was drawn out from it. It's not what I originally wanted, but this turns out to be so much better. So this is what it is like to be completely honest with someone about how I feel. For the first time in a very long time, I feel at peace. I slept well last night.

To Do...

When it comes to the things I need to do versus the things I actually do, the latter always overwhelms the prior. Just like all the things I do... I spent today working on rebuilding my parents computer rather then doing homework... it's so like me.

Crap

So I was reading best of craigs list and found this guy who wants to give away his crap because he's moving... the best part are the terms:

TERMS FOR THE CRAP:
-crap is avaliable begining monday evening
-e-mail me if you want the crap
-if you want the crap you have to come get the crap
-no giving me back the crap (I don't want this crap)
-I'll help you lift and carry the crap
-don't give me any crap about the crap (it's free crap)
-this crap comes as is with no warranties
-always accept crap responsibly

long days

... yeah... lots happened in the past 24 hours... interesting stuff... but too brain dead to write... tis the way it goes....

Warm

It was so warm last night I slept with the window open. I don't recall the last time I did that. It's been so long since we had such good weather. It's one of the best parts of my day, waking up to freah air in the morning. I just wish it doesn't get hotter then this.

My day yesterday was terribly long. I guess it started the day before. I have this bad habit of hanging out too late on Wednesday nights and not going to sleep until at least 2 am. Although it was really nice to hang out with Thanh and just catch up with him. So I guess that's how I would set up yesterday.... Severely sleep deprived, had all the classes and the longest work hours of the week plus studying for tests today. Yay me.

I just decided for now, I don't care...

So I'm sitting in lab, getting more and more frustrated about this whole accounting thing that's not going to be worth much in the big picture. That got me thinking, is it really worth it for me to be dwelling on this right now, when I have decided not to bring the book with me this morning and have no reference to something I sort of missed the other day? I do have until 10 pm tonight to do that assignment, but I believe it is highly doubltful that I will ever get that finished. It's not all that important anyway. I am cranky, hungry, and have half an hour to prepare for a really stupid quiz. Then I have to go to work... fun fun...

Huzzah for Motrin on an empty stomach!

that is all

shut the fuck up!

... if i wasn't a compassionate person I would take his fucking walking canes and beat him horribly bloody with it.... so fucking irritated right now... fuck....

new pet peeve

So we're not allowed to use the phone in the computer lab. I accept that. I agree that it is horribly annoying to the other users in the lab. So here's the thing, why is it ok for somebody to use the voice recognition thing in the lab? Doesn't it do the same thing? I've been horribly annoyed by this guy that has been here doing that every single time I'm in here in the lab. I need to concentrate to do my god damn homework dammit.... jesus christ....

Let go

There is this duck on campus that has a god complex. Every time I see it, it is standing and sleeping on a water spout in the middle of the fountan. It gives the appearance that this duck is standing on water. So that is a random little observation from weeks past.

Some people just don't know how to dress. You don't wear Uggs when you're short and chubby with large calves. You just don't. It makes you look like a friggin gnome. That is all.

I need to get back on track on school work and design an exercise program. I've been slacking off a little this week. I know what type of work I should be doing. I just choose not to do it. But recently, the feeling of guilt started to come back. I didn't think that was a feeling I still posses. I've made myself so numb. I watched Garden State again the other day, and for some odd reason I can relate. The numbness, the unfeeling. I realize I made myself not care about anything. I have closed up myself to the point where I just not care. Maybe I was trying to protect myself. I don't know.

I'm actually starting to design a exercise program in my PE class right now. It's pretty interesting. I know I need it. And I know I've been kind of lazy on everything, and I'm not looking good. I think that's my motivation right now. I'm starting to really not feel comfortable in my own skin. I want to feel attractive. It felt really good when I caught people checking me out a few weeks back. I want that back. I want to get it to the point where I can make men regret that they never gave me the time of day.

I looked defeat in the eyes last night and I saw two choices. I need to let go of one of two things, my inhibitions or the hope that is close to hopeless. I have for months now felt something I didn't think I would feel again any time soon. Even through that crazy infatuation I had for another, I didn't feel this. I felt I have made a connection. I suppose this is one of those relationships that is not meant to be. I've been selfish. I only thought about myself. I saw right before my trip that I had been suffercating him. I don't have the rights, and I have a sneaking suspision that I never will. I'm not entirely discouraged however. I know I have made a good friend. It may not be enough, but that will have to do. To love is to know when to let go.

Need I be more aggressive?

Or maybe I should just switch target(s)... sometimes I just don't know what to think

One of those days

Ever have one of those days where you just say "fuck it" and do whatever te hell you feel like? I had one of those yesterday and I seriously had been the most productive in a long time.

I guess I have been thinking too much lately. I had those dreams often. I watched some morning show the other day and they were talking about the power of dreams. They were talking about how dreams can be used as an aid to solve problems in your life. I think rather then creatng complications in my life, these dreams are showing me what I truly want. It's a very scary thing.

It's so hard to leave myself hanging there. It's like leaving myself out on an emotional limb. The most frustrating thing is, I know I'm not out there by myself. I'm holding my hand out, and he's not reaching for it. So here I am again I suppose. I seem to always settle. Come to think of it I really have. That's flipping great.

The Punisher

So I finally went to sleep realatively early, got up when my alarm went off, and went to prepare for school. And.... my water heater decided to not work. Great. I'm thinking it's trying to punish me because I didn't go to class yesterday. Yeah.... dammit. Oh well.

I have a floor?

I had this notion today that perhaps I will get something done. I found the floor in my room, and my bookshelf is relatively organized right now. There is actually room for my school stuff... now that's pretty radical.

I found my ring, you know, my 10 stone, quarter carat one. It's amazing how loose it is. It barely fit my left ring finger after I had it refitted when I got it. Now it's loose on my right ring finger. I'm going to start wearing it again. It'll probably give people the wrong idea... haha. I want to get it to the point where that ring falls right off my finger. I know it's possible, I'm just lazy. I did set a goal to lose another 25 pounds this quarter. It's doable. I'm starting it now.

From my expeirence, I need to clear up my mind first. The amount of clutter in my room is really a reflection of what is going on in my mind. If somehow I can clear up this physical clutter, I can think better and be more motivated. I guess I've been a bit depressed lately, and my mess really built up. but I found my floor today! weee! I even arranged my closet today, so I can find my shirts and they're not all mixed up. I'm working on it, working on it. I'm starting to recognize that I can never get everything I want to do done in the amount of time I give myself. Sometimes I just have to pick my battles.

So I guess this is another one of my ramblings that barely makes sense. There are just so many things I usually leave unsaid. It's not like I don't want to write about it, it's just that I can't. Those are usually thing things that are bothering me. I know I'm totally fucked up in the head. I guess I just have to find somebody just as messed up as I am. It isn't that hard eh? haha..

jealous

just am

Mute

I think in the past month or so I have been pretty good at numbing myself from all my feelings. Definately something I had to work on. The last couple of weeks I thought I was onto something, but I guess I've set myself up for another dissapointment. I know I deserve some sort of happiness, but I just can't seem to find it. Why can't I just be happy? Even if it's temporary. There are just so many things wrong in my life. Today I honestly felt everything I was doing was pointless. Nothing made a stitch of sense. I hated it, and I was hating myself. I hated myself so much this morning I just laid in bed, awake for hours. I don't know how I'm going to pull through this week. I guess I just have to keep myself busy enough to not have time to care.

Goodbye My Lover

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blind and I knew I had won.

So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.

You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind but then I knew it,
My heart was blinded by you.

I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.(2x)

I am a dreamer and when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be

I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.

I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I can not live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.(2x)

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.

Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.(2x)

I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.(X2)

-- James Blunt -- Back To Bedlam

96 questions...

1. EVER BEEN GIVEN A RING?
Yup

2. LONGEST RELATIONSHIP?
4 years

3. LAST GIFT YOU RECEIVED:
Evercrack? I dunno, there's gotta be something after that

4. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU DROPPED YOUR CELL?
Few times I suppose

5. WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU WORKED OUT?
Few weeks back

6. THING(S) YOU SPEND A LOT OF MONEY ON?
Honestly? I have no idea where it goes.... food maybe.

7. LAST FOOD YOU ATE?
Lamb stirfry & rice

8. FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX:
Eyes and if I can carry a decent conversation with him

9. ONE FAVORITE SONG:
So many... but according to iTunes my most played song right now is Such Great Heights

10. WHERE DO YOU LIVE?
Cupertino

11. WHAT HIGH SCHOOL DID YOU ATTEND?
Homestead

12. CELL PHONE SERVICE PROVIDER?
Cingular

13. FAVORITE PLACE TO SHOP?
L'Occitane

14. LONGEST JOB HELD:
Software Developer for a little more then a year

15. DO YOU OWN A PAIR OF DICE?
How many sided?

16. DO YOU PRANK CALL PEOPLE?
Don't think I have

17. LAST WEDDING ATTENDED?
Tony and Liz

18. FIRST FRIEND YOU'D CALL IF YOU WON THE LOTTERY?
mmmm... prolly prush

19. LAST TIME YOU ATTENDED CHURCH:
Went to mass in Notre Dame a few weeks back

20. FAVORITE FAST FOOD RESTAURANT:
Does Lee's Sandwich count?

21. BIGGEST LIE YOU HAVE HEARD?
"Oh that's because it's cold in the car"

22. ONE WISH?
Oh you already know what that is.

23. FAVORITE PLACE TO EAT WITH FRIENDS?
Probably Denny's and Elephant Bar

24. CAN YOU COOK?
Very well

25. WHAT CAR DO YOU DRIVE?
Civic

26. HOW MANY BEST FRIENDS?
swim friend, shut-in friend, old dumbass friend, lonely friend, big kid friend, guest appearance in my dreams friend

27. LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
3 and a half weeks, but I feel one coming on

28. MOST DISLIKED FOOD:
That's a tricky one... it's kinda hard to find something I dislike

29. THING YOU LIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF:
Selflessness

30. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON SOMEONE RIGHT NOW:
Yeah I suppose

31. LONGEST SHIFT YOU HAVE WORKED AT A JOB?
9-10 hours I guess

32. FAVORITE MOVIE?
Many different ones.... last movie I watched and liked was Garden State

33. CAN YOU SING?
Was a soloist in chior

34. LAST CONCERT ATTENDED?
Maroon 5 the Journey in the same week.... and I just got my DMB tickets for september

35. LAST TV SHOW WATCHED:
Last week's 24

36. LAST MOVIE RENTED:
I don't rent

37. THING YOU NEVER LEAVE HOME WITHOUT?
Wallet, keys, cell phone, pda, ipod

38. FAVORITE VACATION SPOT?
Paris

39. DO YOU LIKE CHINESE FOOD?
yeah, else I sould starve

40. IS YOUR ROOM CLEAN?
Never

41. LAPTOP OR DESKTOP COMPUTER?
Both

42. FAVORITE COMEDIAN?
mmmm... Stephen Lynch, Dane Cook, Margaret Cho, Dave Chappelle... etc etc...

43. DO YOU SMOKE?
Did for a couple of days around my birthday this year, but I don't really like it

44. SLEEP WITH OR WITHOUT CLOTHES ON?
birthday suit

45. WHO SLEEPS WITH YOU EVERY NIGHT?
Whoever happens to be in my dreams... haha

46. DO LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS WORK?
Didn't for me

47. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BEEN PULLED OVER BY THE POLICE?
Once

48. PANCAKES OR FRENCH TOAST?
French Toast

49. DO YOU LIKE COFFEE?
Caffeine runs in my veins

50. HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS?
Sunny side up

51. DO YOU BELIEVE IN ASTROLOGY?
Sometimes

52. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Rob

53. LAST PERSON ON YOUR MISSED CALL LIST?
Prush

54. WHAT WAS THE LAST TEXT MESSAGE YOU RECIEVED?
John checking if I'm working

55. MCDONALDS OR BURGER KING?
Don't much care

56. NUMBER OF PILLOWS?
6

57. WHAT ARE YOU HEARING RIGHT NOW?
Foo Fighters -- The Last Song

58. PICK A LYRIC, ANY LYRIC OR SONG?

so let go, just get in
oh, it's so amazing here
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown

59. WHAT KIND OF JELLY DO YOU LIKE ON YOUR SANDWICH?
Strawberry

60. CAN YOU PLAY POOL?
Yeah, but it's been a while

61. DO YOU KNOW HOW TO SWIM?
Yup

62. FAVORITE FLAVOR OF ICE CREAM?
Pistachio

63. DO YOU LIKE MAPS?
In what context?

64. TELL ME A RANDOM FACT ABOUT YOURSELF:
I fell off my bed once when I was little and landed on my head. That required a few stitches to fix...

65. DOES IT ANNOY YOU WHEN NUMERS ARE SKIPPED ON A SURVEY?
If I even notice it...

66. EVER ATTEND A THEME PARTY?
Yeah, but I can't talk about it... lol

67. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON?
Fall

68. LAST TIME YOU LAUGHED AT SOMETHING STUPID?
Last night... mainly about the movie

69. WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP THIS MORNING?
I don't recall ever waking up today

70. BEST THING ABOUT WINTER?
Hot chocolate

71. LAST TIME A COP GAVE YOU A TICKET?
Never have

72. NAME OF YOUR FIRST PET?
Whammy

73. DO YOU THINK PIRATES ARE COOL OR OVERRATED?
I'm a pirate... so pirates are automatically cool

74. WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS WEEKEND?
work, homework, watched a shitty movie with good company, mope

75. EVER KISSED SOMEONE OF THE SAME SEX?
yeah

76. WHAT IS THE THIRD LETTER OF YOUR NAME?
T

77. HOW OLD ARE YOUR PETS?
Whammy is like what... 5?

78. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR HANDBAG?
Which one?

79. ARE YOU SICK?
In the head

80. DO YOU GO TO SCHOOL?
Yeah

81. IS THE BATHROOM OPEN?
Well I'm not in it... so I guess it is

82. ARE YOU ON A LAPTOP?
Yes and no... my laptop is on... but I'm on my rig

83. ARE YOU WATCHING MTV?
Haven't for a long time

84. ARE YOU SMILING?
Not right now... my cheeks are tired from my work smile today

85. DO YOU HAVE ON EYELINER?
Yup

86. ARE YOU A BLONDE?
naw

87. DO YOU DREAM IN COLOR?
yeah

88. DO YOU HAVE A NICE CAR?
of course

89. ARE YOU IN HIGH SCHOOL?
nope

90. WHEN DO YOU WANNA LOSE YOUR VIRGINITY?
You mean I can have it back?

91. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NAME?
Never really thought about it

92.WHAT COLOR IS YOUR BATHING SUIT?
Dark blue

93. DOES YOUR SCHOOL START IN AUGUST?
I guess

94. DID YOU GO ON VACATION LAST MONTH?
Yeah

95. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON A CRUISE?
Nope

96. EVER BEEN IN LOVE?
Absofuckinglutely

ugh...

not the best day at work today... many jackasses i've encountered....

Stroll

I swear I saw a squirrel leisurely stroll across campus this morning. I guess that was just amusing to me. I have been working so hard for the past couple of weeks I don't quite remember how to slow myself down. I tried a bit of that last night. I ended up watching Garden State, and falling asleep in the middle of it. There's just something about that movie that makes me watch it over and over again. I have the urge to go up to somebody and just ask... are you sure you're not retarded? If there were an oscar for retarded, you'd kick that kids ass, hands down! So there it is, my current favorite movie. I listened to the whole soundtrack this morning... going to school, during class. It just relaxes me.

I'm working too hard. I had class for 4 hours yesterday and worked for 8. Didn't have time to do any homework. Didn't have any "me" time. Unless you count the half hour I spent during lunch to watch Hackers. I used to love that movie... now I realize how lame is really is.... crash and burn!!! lol...

I never watch horror movies, but I have the urge to watch Silent Hill. Maybe it's because it's based on a video game. I heard the cinematic and music are really good. It'll probably scare me shitless. At least I'm not going to watch it by myself. I'll probably scream like a little girl and have nightmares.

So yeah I've been pretty lazy. I realize I haven't even taken out my laptop since I got home. I swear I have a helluva lot more pictures! I think my mom did managed to take the cards and loaded all the pictures on her laptop. I just need to nab them and organize them a bit. I did get around to watch some of the videos my dad took last night. I swear the camera adds ten pounds! Man... that makes me want to go run 5 miles right about now. I got some new running shoes the other day. Strictly for gym use only. They're pretty comfortable. Now if I actually get my ass back in the gym that would help....

I'm trying so hard not to lag in school work this quarter. For one I'm taking a lot more units then last quarter. For two I really don't want to rush things like I did last quarter anymore. So this is my regular work load then... leaves very few room for leisure and what not.

I got around to play some guitar hero the other night, after I read the article about guitar hero 2 of course. I'm up to 14 songs on hard... yay me. I also played a we <3 katamari for a bit. I almost picked up beatmania yesterday. I didn't even know we got those in. I was sooooo tempted to get it. I told my friend about it and he told me to just wait for guitar hero 2. He's got a pretty good point. But it's beatmania! I used to play the import on a home made table! (good to have had friends that are nerdy enough to do that... haha) I dunno. Let's wait till I pay off all my bills and we'll see. I've spent too much money so far already. I know I've been trying to cut my spending, but getting those DMB tickets and my weekly bowling doesn't help. Add in my cell phone bill, food, an occasional movie and such... doesn't really help. Anyway... shopaholic no more.

Anyway, I guess I should go get some food, go to class, then go to work... It's good to vent sometimes ^_^

Let Go

drink up, baby down
mmm, are you in or are you out
leave your things behind
'cause it's all going off without you
excuse me, too busy you're writing your tragedy
these mishaps
you bubble wrap
when you've no idea what you're like

so let go, jump in
oh well, whatcha waiting for
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
so let go, just get in
oh, it's so amazing here
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown

it gains the more it gives
and then it rises with the fall
so hand me that remote
can't you see that all that stuff's a sideshow

such boundless pleasure
we've no time for later now
you can't await your own arrival
you've 20 seconds to comply

so let go, jump in
oh well, whatcha waiting for
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
so let go, just get in
oh, it's so amazing here
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown


-- Frou Frou -- Garden State OST

just a little bored....

1.Spell your name out in foods.
P - Pistachio
A - Avocado
T - Tabule

2. What song makes you cry?
No Reply -- Cowboy Bebop OST Future Blues

3. What do you like to listen to before bed?
postal service, death cab, john mayer, coldplay, foo fighters, and josh groban dammit!


R i g h t N o w:

PANTS YOUR WEARING?
"It's always no pants time in Casa de Odrini"

WHATS ON YOUR MIND?
when the hell are my chicken rolls gonna be ready?!?! me so hongry....
oh, and that other thing...

WHAT SONG ARE YOU LISTENING TO?
Something's Missing -- John Mayer Trio

WHAT TASTE IS IN YOUR MOUTH?
Wintermint Orbits and that super friggin large latte I had 2 hours ago

WHAT'S THE WEATHER LIKE?
too nice to be doing anything at all but to bask in the sun

HOW ARE YOU?
jittery and depressed as usual


D o Y o u:

GET MOTION SICKNESS?
often, when i'm not driving, especially when i ride in the back

Have a Bad Habit?
absolutly, and multiple

GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENT(S)?
most of the time

F a v o r i t e s:

TV SHOW:
24, that's pretty much the only one i can make time for

MAGAZINE:
pc gamer, economist, foreign affairs, new yorker, newsweek, O


H a v e Y o u:

BROKEN THE LAW:
probably

RUN AWAY FROM HOME:
don't think i have

MADE A PRANK PHONE CALL:
got better things to do.... uh... like doing a survey thing...

USED YOUR PARENTS' CREDIT CARD BEFORE:
always had my own

FALLEN ASLEEP IN THE SHOWER/BATH:
of course

HAD CHILDREN:
not that i'm aware

YOUR CD PLAYER HAS IN IT RIGHT NOW:
uh... i got a 60G ipod that's half full

WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPIEST?
hanging out with people i like (not just can stand), and being productive at work

WHAT'S THE NEXT CD YOU WANT?
not a CD actually, but Directions, the Death Cab video album

LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
exactly 3 weeks ago sometime between 2 and 3 am

LAST TIME YOU GOT AN E-MAIL:
cingular telling me how awsome their new website is

LAST TV PROGRAM YOU WATCHED:
24

LAST MOVIE YOU SAW AT THE THEATER:
V for Vendetta

What was the last thing you ate?
eating my chicken rolls now...

Do you wish on stars?
no

Last person you spoke to on the phone?
prush

Favorite drink?
diet dr pepper

Favorite sport to watch?
hockey

Have you ever dyed your hair?
yeah, but you can never tell unless i'm standing under direct sunlight

Do you wear contacts or glasses?
contacts, i do believe i'm legally blind

Any pets?
a fat piggie

Favorite month?
jan

Favorite food:
home made (that means by me) quinoa with marinara and shaved parmesan

What was the last movie you watched?
Good Night, and Good Luck

Favorite day of the year?
don't have one

What was your favorite toy as a child?
a little teddy bear that has a bigger head then body

Fall or Spring?
fall

Cherry or Blueberry?
blueberry

What do you do in your free time?
sleep and eat.... i don't ever stop eating, plus obsessing over stuff online

What is on the floor of your closet?
i have a floor?

Who is the friend you have had the longest?
mmm... minna, aphrodite, prush?

What did you do last night?
homework, laundry, guitar hero, we <3 katamari, sleep

What inspires you?
stupid people

What are you afraid of?
falling, in any sort of physical and metaphysical way... so that includes tripping, from tall buildings, in love... what not

Plain, cheese or spicy hamburger?
spicy and double cheese with a side of heart attack

Number of keys on your key ring?
6 -- cars, mail, house, storage

How many years at your current job?
8 months?

What's up tomorrow?
school *shudder* and work *yay*

so so lazy....

what's more for me to say?

found it

So I went to Sports Basement today to find that Timbuk2 medium classic bag, and I found it. 56 bucks. I can totally afford that, considering I got a pair of running shoes, 4 movie tickets, and a book for like 70 something today.... yeah. It's green, and it's purdy.... I doubt it'll be there when it comes time for me to get it, but whatever, they have other colors. It's a nice bag ^_^

what am i, 5?

the more people tells me i should forget about it, the more i want it.

My body tingles with anticipation

Harmonix has announced Guitar Hero II on the PS2 this November. They promised to not to stray too far from the original musical genre. That's a good thing too, lord knows Konami lost me at Karaoke Revolution Country *shiver*. First glimpse will be at E3 next month... get your Tivo's ready kiddies.

down

I don't know what's wrong with me today, I'm hoping I'm just pms-ing. The more I think about the conversation I had last night the more depressed I got. This whole weekend was just weird.

On the bright side, I did have a fairly wonderful time at the lacrosse game on saturday night. It turns out my classmate works at the shark tank, and he almost got his ass fired on saturday. We all know that Cheechoo got a hat trick on an open net towards the end of the game. Since it was only 2 seconds left on the clock they decided to just drop the puck while all the hats were still on the ice. Totally neglecting that fact, my friend stepped on the ice to start cleaning up the hats. Now I'm trying to figure out how terrifying it is to have Toskala screaming at you to get the fuck off the ice. hahahahaha..... He also happens to know a spy girl too, thankfully not the one we were totally making fun of. So that part of the weekend was great fun.

So yeah, other then that, I had the usual emo crap creeping up on me. I think it was the rain. The little conversation I had last night was a bit enlightening. It's not as much as a recurring dream that I've been having. It's different everytime, but the subject is always the same. The more I think I shouldn't be having them, the more they come up. It gets to the point where I'm dissapointed when I wake up and figure out it didn't really happen. Enough to make me want to get back into bed and fall back asleep. The most interesting part though, I'm not the only one having those dreams.

not alone

so i guess i'm not alone in these crazy head case crap. i guess i feel a little bit better about it, but not much. I didn't have a chance to finish the pictures and stuff. anyway, i dunno where i'm going with this.... better head to class

early start

It's Saturday morning, I was up by 6:30. It's only 8 am and I've already came back from putting gas in my car. So maybe today I will be efficient?

busy

School started this week yet again. I've been pretty busy, haven't been able to do much other then school and work. In truth I've been a little lazy about posting also. Maybe I'm finally getting my priorities straight. Anyhow, I do have Saturday and Sunday off, so I guess I will have some time to get that whole uploading pictures thing going. There's like a thousand pictures I have to put up. So after I get that done... while I read for class... I'll probably continue with my commentaries on them. So yeah, pictures, this weekend, promise(?). I know my english skill is actually not very good right now. I think it's because the only thing I've been reading lately is Everything Is Illuminated... well at least I haven't busted out the thesaurus yet... ha

count....

Econ == B
English == B
Accounting == A

Stop sweating over the frigging grades and learning a lesson about procrastination == priceless

yay me!

I got a B in econ... wooooo... and that was one of the hardest class on campus ^_^ yay for not studying....

me? jetlagged? *pfffff*....

ok maybe a little....

Classes were pretty long today. Got all the books, sold a few back, haven't really done any organizational/homework stuff. But if I do the same thing as this morning then I'll be awake at 5 and have plenty of time to do all that. Oh and my ballroom class is going to be concentrated on Salsa... yeah... I'm picking up a few moves already. i found that i'm not a particularly good lead, but man can i follow. maybe it's because i don't fight the power like most... lol. Starlite sometime anybody? haha... And I found out I have to perform at the end of the quarter... good... times....

p.s. cute guys are sort of lacking in ballroom... there are two that has some potential though. would be nice if i can partner up with the one who actually has some rhythm.

school tomorrow....

gah!

home

just about to crash... i hate flying and all it's attatched time wasting, delaying crappiness.... i'm gonna go crash....

tomorrow...

... I did all the shopping I wanted to do... it's surprising the things I end up getting. If I wake up early enough tomorrow we'll go to Versaille... it's going to be nice. I got new clothes to wear too... yum. Oh and lots of chocolate... and fragrances.... good times ^_^ legs hurts though...

been there....

I did it, went up to the top of l'Arc de Triomphe... I can't begin to describe how much my body aches right now.... but it was cool, especially when the lights started to flash on l'Tour Effel at 9 pm. It was so cold... it was just cold the whole frigging day today. Fun fun...

tired....

My feet hurt.... we went through the Orsay today and around the city. We had to cap that off with a trip to the top of Notre Dame... owie....

It was hella cold today too...

not even 7 yet... almost dinner time ^_^

These dreams...

... They haunt me across the sea... maybe it was best that I got drunk every night and had restless sleep... my mind keeps going back to it. shake it off, shake it off. a trip a top of l'arc de triomphe might help.

Day 2

We got up bright and early on day 2. By that I meant it was like 10:30 before we got out of the hotel. Naturally I needed my morning café au lait. We found a bakery café place about 2 blocks away. The fun thing is, they have like 8 different spreads lay out on the table. I got myself a baguette, and ran with it. Well actually I ran with the hazelnut spread… just a little bit addicted to it.

We then headed off to and open air market my parents stumbled upon two years ago. Everything is fresh and sweet.




I got a little impatient and had a prawn right there.

We got some oysters, shrimp, fruit, bottle of wine, chunk of cheese, and a rabbit. That was a pretty good lunch.

At the subway I encountered something familiar and confirmed that the French has very questionable taste


more of day 2 to come....

Day 1

The first day was actually pretty uneventful. Wednesday night I finished my rough draft for the English project before I went to bowling. Got pretty upset during cause of random stupid thing, though I did bowl pretty well. Hung out at Denny’s for a little while. Got home at like 1 or 2. Packed, finished up my English assignment, then went to sleep at like 3:30. So… it is with that amount of energy that I got up at 6, and was on the road to the airport at 7 am Thursday morning.



We flew from SFO to Chicago, had half an hour of layover, and then flew over to Paris. Watched a few movies that I would recommend, and didn’t get around to read any of the books I brought. The first leg was pretty cramped…. Stupid small planes. I did get a bit more legroom on the second flight, but I was sitting next to this really big guy. So I didn’t have that much room. I did manage to sleep a bit because I was so entirely exhausted.



After we dragged our luggage, and myself over to the hotel, we had lunch at the wine bar downstairs then we passed out for a bit. We ended up at Champs Elysees that night, had dinner, and milled over to l’Arc de Triomphe where we ran into a whole mass of people on roller blades. I’m guessing they were on some sort of fund raising roll across the city type of thing. And that pretty much marked the end of my first day.

Should

I should be having the best time of my life right now. I've been going places, seeing things, and everything's been very exciting. Then why am I still depressed about what happened last week? That's why I hate being able to communicate so easily. It's just depressing. I really should take my girl friends word to heart. I need to let it go. It's just not worth it. Bleh. Off for breakfast.

Ran Away...

I ran off to Paris for spring break. Currently a little drunk, and am uploading 4 days worth of pictures to yahoo...(be lucky if I get it all tonight...) Will do some sort of summery/commentary type of thing later when I actually feel like it....

clicky here


It's only been roughly 4 days... I'll be here for the rest of the week. Think I'll be home sometime Saturday nite? Something like that. In the past few days I've mastered the metro system and ordering food. Yeah It's all good ^_^

I haven't been on a real vacation for a pretty long while. So this is something different for sure. And I can relax so much more now that I know I got a B for my friggin english class. Wooooooo... good times.

So yeah.... Off for another glass of wine and passing out.