Turn On's

I think I've come to a strange revelation this evening. There are things that used to appeal to me that doesn't anymore.

I got a lot done today, and I think I did all of those things because I was acting out. It started last night. I went to dinner with my buddy and had a little much to drink. He know there's been something on my mind for some time. To provoked me by questioning what the hell I would be doing if I'm not sitting at home thinking about it. I kept my mouth shut. I wouldn't know what to say to that anyway. It's true I've been sitting at home a lot lately just thinking and not doing anything else. I would just sit there for hours, staring at the tv/lappy/mirror/whatever. I had to get out, do things, prove that I'm still alive... somehow.

So back to what I was talking about.... In my last realtionship, it got to the point where I was just going through the motions. There were nothing in that relationship that I was craving anymore... if even had at all. There were things I knew that would help.... but I have found tonight that it doesn't do it for me anymore. It's strange. I'm craving the whole having to make plans, the exploration, and the butterflies in my stomach thing. It's so high school. It's like I want to do it all over again. It's been so long.

It's weird to have to try to find myself again.