Entitled

Once again I'm in one of those funky moods. I got up at 5 this morning and did some homework. Got to class, not listening, did more homework. Why you ask? Because I'm lazy. Yesterday was not motivating at all. I got up early and took my piggie to the vet. Went to lunch with my buddy who I didn't even know it was his fricking birthday. Got home and pretty much did nothing. Mind you I had a lot of homework. Papers, labs, midterm to study for. So why didn't I get on that? I don't know. Motivation? There is certainly enough incentive to do them, mainly my grade. I think this morning I finally made the connection that there is some sort of relation between the amount of effort I make, and my grade. Go figure. I have got this whole procrastination thing down to an art. I didn't sleep well last night. Because I didn't know how to get the things I need to do done with the amount of time I have alloted for myself. I even looked on the grading sheet to see if I can wiggle out of it. No such luck. I have only 1 thing left to do, which is a gigantic paper. It's due tonight. I sort of started it. Fun huh. Maybe I do work well under pressure. It's just dumb that I tend to generate pressure for myself. Haven't I learned to prioritize? I am the most organized person I know, and I am a mess because I don't follow through. It really doesn't sit well with me and I don't have the motivation to change. I know what the results can look like if I'm willing to change. I will be better for it. But it seems I have hit some sort of plateau where I just don't feel like moving on. I'm taking an extended break I feel like I'm entitled to. What is there for me to look forward to if I were to proceed with added efforts? I'm not quite sure. It really isn't all that much that I have to do in order to move my life forward. Do homework, exercise, eat less, organize and throw things out from my room/house/storage. That's all. Then why am I stuck? I don't feel like doing homework a majority of time. I'm too lazy to make time to exercise. Don't want to make an extra effort to cook for myself when it's all done for me. Everything seems organized enough for the time being. I think I'm at a point where I'm more comfortable then before. I like having this comfort, but I would also like to improve. But I think I need a reason. A greater reason. True that all of these little things will improve my quality of life, but will it make me happy? Maybe I'm afraid that it will not. Doing those things may not be enough for me. After I do those things I would want more. And I'm afraid that I won't know what it is that I need to do to make me happy. It's true that I have been feeling very empty for quite some time now. I don't know what will fill that void. I have friends, my family, my health, financial stability, somebody I care for. But what? What else do I need? What am I passionate for? I don't think I'm passionate for any of the hobbies I current part take in. I have lived a quarter of a century and I don't know the meaning of my life.