Contemplations

We are all rediculously connected. For example, I decided to try to leave every worry behind today to go to the beach. We are nicely situated, i got my food and block (took somebody's advise from the other day and brought my huge tube of copppertone sport), got some good music going off of a a pair of speakers coconnected to my iPod, sitting on my beach chair with a foot rest, and sipping on my tea. What do I end up doing? No, not reading the book I brought, I'm sitting here talking on the phone and blogging... Purely because I get good signal. I just find it a bit ironic is all.

I mentioned something about mini goals the other day... I feel like I should elaborate. I set one major goal this month, which is to keep dry. There are also some things I need to improve on. It's really hard to juggle so many things at the same time. So I'm going to set weekly goals which should turn into habits. Last week was easy... Take a daily multi vitamin every morning, i got hat going. I think this week is to go work out on a regulalar basis. I need to get my butt back into the gym. Starting to feel tubby again... Not good. I really should limit my intake again. I did the points system for a while... .that seemed to work. But I think I can manage my own program from now. As long as I actually keep track. It'll work.

I think I'm still looking for some sort of peace in my life. What is it about the ocean that makes somebody stand at the water's edge and stare off into the distance for half an hour? Maybe it's the way of how it is constant and changing at the same time. Or maybe it is both powerful and gentle at once. I don't have an explaination for it. I'm actually afraid of water. But I stood there. Waititng for the water to reach me. It then occurred to me that I can walk right up to it. I can make a big metaphore about life out of all of this, but I'm not going to. Make what you will of it.

I brought a book with me. I flipped through maybe 4 pages of it. For a person that used to average 3 books a week that's kind of sad. But I did come to a sort of a realization while I was staring into te waves. Reading for me is a sort of an escape. I lived a life that I wished was different. When I read, I'm isolated from the world... Nothing else mattered. So maybe I'm finally on the right path? I'm actually finding some sort of happiness in my life? Even though my life has become a whole lot more complicated then I had ever imagined, I finally started to feel alive. I'm finally started to live a life that is my own. I'm writing my own story, which seem to be more interestng to me then any stories I can get my hands on. I have issues, but I am content.

Did I mention I love the feeling of sand between my toes?