Sometimes I know my life is filled with all the things I want. The things I still don't have I'm well on my way of getting. So here I am. Sitting in my room. Demotivated. There's no real explanation to it. You would think with all the things I have managed to achieved I would be happy. Well I am. For those things. What I think I'm missing in my life is somebody I can come home to. I don't have anyone particular in mind at the moment, but it seems every time I find somebody I'm interested in, he is one of the following: 1) a minor 2) taken 3) ambiguously gay.
So here I am. Thinking about how nice it would be to just sit in bed with someone. Watching some random retarded show on TV. Snuggling up to him and just drift off to sleep. I think that's the thing I missed the most. I miss the intimacy of being with someone. To think he will be there for you forever. To be able to tell him everything and have him tell you everything will turn out ok. To know the things you do that can make him loose control. To have him kiss you so tenderly and intently you just melt right into his arms. To be his comfort. To be the one thing he looks forward to at the end of the night.
So I ask myself this on a daily basis. Why can't this be mine? What is it about me that I can't find somebody like that for me. Sometimes I am so envious of people who already has that. Even people who are dating, they have the potential. Right now I have none. Is it really true that I will only feel comfortable to date somebody again after the proper relationship mourning period? (half the time the relationship lasted) I don't know if I can take another year. I want to say I'm ready. But where is that one guy that is going to sweep me off my feet?
I'm tired. I'm tired of always being the one who goes out to look for these things. Why does it have to be so hard. To have the right person to come along and just take me away. Am I all that unapproachable? Am I too picky? I honestly don't think so.
Maybe I'm just refusing to belive I will be alone for the rest of my life.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I certainly don't think you're unapproachable. It is okay to be picky. I think there is someone out there for you, the one who will sweep you off your feet and be all that you described. I think we have to let it come to us, it happens when we're least expecting it. I do realize the want is hard not to focus on when it's been so long. I don't buy the whole relationship mourning period. I think the right person coming in to our lives doesn't particularly have a proper timing. Maybe he's out there wondering all of the same things you are right now. You'll find each other. :)
ReplyDelete