hard to read

Some people are just so god damn hard to read. It really fucks with my mind. I sware to god I always see things that just aren't there. For example, this one person said something today that made me think that he did notice a thing I did about a week ago. But so what if he did? It doesn't make a goddamn difference. It shouldn't even bother me, beacuse I didn't say anything totally out of line at the first place. Friggin mind games. It's like playing solitaire at this point.... but it's a helluva lot more complicated spectator sport.

I am so frustrated right now in so many ways. This is exactly what happened to me in high school. Does anyone remember what ended up happening? It still hurts to think about it. I ended up telling him how I felt and got turned down. Thank god he was a gentleman. I seriously don't think I'll get that lucky this time. I'm just so afraid to get hurt again. So yeah... why am I still thinking about it? I friggin said I was going to give up. UGHHHHHHH! maybe I just need to get laid. I'm soooooooo contradicting myself right now.... aaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrgggggghhhhhhhh.