Happy

This is one of those weird night when I feel accomplished. I feel like for once my life is more or less back on track. Of course I can nitpick on the little things I haven't gotten around to do... but the point is, things seems to be going right, and I feel like I've done things in my life right for once.

The last two days I have not set foot out of the door and I didn't even notice it. I seriously staying in my room the majority of the time and it didn't bother me. I got a lot of house work done and I threw away a whole bunch of stuff. There is actually free room on my desk... *gasp*. I also cleared some more space on my book shelf so I can put the stuff for this semester in it and have some throw space (where I throw random stuff in). I even took down everything off the top of it and dusted it as well as my desk. It looks weird not covered in a dust cloud. I also found about 8 pairs of headphones on my desk. I kept two, one for good music the other for chatting. I did many loads of laundry. I even washed my sheets and duvet cover. Not only that... I managed to put the comforter back into it by myself afterward after I flipped the matress (it was getting lumpy... I sleep on one side). It feels like I'm starting with one corner of my room and progressing throughout it. So I have my office corner and sleeping quarters done, I need to work on the rest of the room. My room has become a sort of sancturary to me. I love to be in here because I am comfortable here. There are so much work left to be done. Cleaning up my mess. I was watching Oprah one day and Nate was saying how a person's home should be a reflection of who she is. They were talking about living rooms, but this is the one room in the house that is truly my own. The person should be dressed like the room. My room is simple and cluttered.... I don't know about the whole dress thing. I mean, I don't really wear purple that much... orange and brown more so lately. I do carry a whole bunch of crap in my bag when I decide to carry one. Everything is simple and eclectic. Purple walls, white bookshelf, wooden bookshelf, metal rack. On one side I have an opened up computer buried amongst paper. The other corner I have Tigger ears on top of maracas draped with a black feater boa. On the metal rack is thousands of dollars worth of dvds, cds, tv shows, computer games, on top of two boxes of cosmetic and body products. And yet on another a a shelf full of books.... dominated by classics and non-fiction. There is so much going on here. If you walk in here without knowing me, you can draw so many conclusions about me. Who am I really? I like to think of myself as being unique. When I go through the stuff in my room it's like rediscovering myself all over again. I have things in here that I don't remember acquiring. So yes, again... I am finding myself to be a more or less interesting person. I'm thinking a short documentation is needed of this. I should go take a random picture of my room every once in awhile and explain why those objects are in my room, and what it means about me.... hum... interesting.....

Anyway.... the point of this randomness stem from my latest effort of weight lost. As some of you might already know, I'm an Oprah groupie. I like how a lot of things she talks about actually makes sense. So of course I want to try the new Bob Green program.... I tried to start the last one and I stopped myself from doing it. Now I remember why. The main part of the diets he put out have to start with fixing emotional issues. The point is, if I don't fix the underlying problems in my emotional life, it doesn't matter how hard I try to lose that weight, the problems will cause me to gain all of that weight back. There are basically three questions I have to answer:
1) Why am I overweight?
2) Why do I want to lose weight?
3) Why haven't I been able to keep the weight off before?

There are some answers out there that are surface answers. More like effects then the real cause. So if you ask me why am I overweight, I can say because I eat too much. So the question turns into, why do I eat too much... so on and so forth. So I dug a little deeper and came up with a couple of things I can think of.

1) I am overweight because I'm stressed. I'm stressed about not finishing school. I'm stressed about work. I'm stressed about relationships. When I get through the day without trying to kill myself, I reward myself with food. I feel like I deserve it, and I eat. Or maybe I'm just bored and needed something to occupy me. Stuff like that. So the main thing is, I need to address those issues. First off... I'm not too stressed about school at this very moment because everything looks lined up for once. There are still a few things I need to look over... but it looks like smoother sailing from this point on. Second, I don't really care to stress myself over my job anymore. I have adopted an attitude that goes something like... well it's not really all that important on the larger scale of things, I don't really have to worry about it at all. Relationship wise... well surprisingly I'm not too concern about at the moment. When I meet him I will know. So no sweat. So yeah. I think I'm in a pretty good place right now. I know I have mentioned it hundreds of times. The state of my room is a reflection of my mental state. My room is coming together, and it's arguably the cleanest place in the entire house. So the thing is, I'm working on it. A little bit at a time.

2) I want to lose weight because I want to look good. It's not like I'm unattractive right now, but there is always room (a lot of room) to imporve. Plus I just want to feel better in general. I want more energy to get through the day. I want to feel stronger and healthier. More of a zen state. I want to make people jealous of how I look. I know I'm pretty. I just need a body to match it. I'm a competitive person in nature. The looks on top of the smarts gives me an edge.

3) Well I have in fact kept the weight I look off... off. So that's actually not an issue. All I have to do is to return to that same activity level I had to keep losing weight. No biggie.

So the plan is....
1) Eat 3 meals a day. Big breakfast, moderate lunch, small dinner, plus at least one snack a day. I started the breakfast thing. Need to figure out the others really... But I found out today a non-fat cinnamon dolce with sugar free syrup is only 90 calories.... I can totally do that... So a high fiber cereal or my eggs breakfast is good. I'm too lazy to make smoothies... all the equipment washing... ew. Put a salad in one of my meals is good, also add some fruit, if it's not too expensive I would imagine. More whole grain, etc. Just have to eat until I'm not hungry anymore. But the important part there is... I need to eat breakfast to get me going for the day. I also have to stop eating 2 hours before I sleep. I haven't read down to the reason on that yet.... I'm sure it will make sense when I do.

2) Go up on my activity level. To tell the truth I already know what I have to do. That whole running 10 miles a week and 100 crunchs a day thing is pretty much what I have to stick with. That's my next activity level. Yes I'm pretty damn lazy right now. But I found writing down all of that every day helps. I like marking things off. I love having check list with items I can check off.... writing down these activity goals makes me actually want to do thatm... lol

3) Stay hydrated.... drink water dammit! Well I have been making myself tea the last two days, on account we just got a spiffy water boiler for 17 bucks.... So I have to bust out my cool water bottles again and drink loads of water. Plus my sports drinks. I have a new pack of crystal light I should use. Not hard to do. I've done this before.... I just have to make it more of a habit this time around.

4) No alcohol for now.... I'm talking for the next 2-3 months according to the program. It'll only help. Plus I don't think I want to drink anything after my birthday (see pictures below)

5) Take Supplements. I'm already taking a daily multi that meets the requirements on what it contains. I should add an omega-3.
So yeah, that would do it for the first part. I'll have to do it for at least 4 weeks. Just get some pattern back into my life. I have a starting weight, and I won't weight myself for a month. The only gage I have is how well my clothes fits. This is probably the most doable thing in a while. So we will see.

In the mean time, I am tired. And I am happy.