Of Religion

I have never been a religious person, but I have always been spiritual. I can probably count the times I have prayed in one hand. I'm not against organized religion or anything like that, but I just never felt the need to share my spirituality. I don't go to church, I don't know any of the stories of the bible. I do have three roaries and a crucifix hanging in my room next to my skully halloween lights. The crucifix and one of the rosaries are from my grandmother. One from Sacre Coeur, and the other from Notre Dame. I don't like modern churches. When I stepped into Notre Dame and Sacre Coeur a sense of peace washed over me. I felt like I could just sit there for hours, admiring the architecture, reflecting about myself and the achievements of the people who walk and built these halls. It made me feel like I'm part of something bigger. Maybe that's why people go to church, to make themselves feel like they matter, in a very loose sense. I know when I hear people pray they always thank God for the opportunities given, or want God to grant them strength or something like that. I don't pray really. I think people say prayers to remind themselves of their own strength, and seek the opportunities they know was there all along. I don't know if this make sense. In my version, God is not some guy sitting up on high listening to your woes and manipulating. That actually is against the whole idea of free will. Ultimately, opportunities are created by and taken advantage by people. Everyone has the strength to do the things they desire. For a long long time I don't know what I want. I lived in the dark. I could have prayed, but I know, in the end, it's all about what I want and need to do. Right now, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. It feels strange. Maybe that's what accomplishment feels like. I haven't had too many of those. I feel like it's the first time in a very long time I have elevated myself to where I should be. I'm not exactly there yet, but it looks like I've finally put myself on the right track. For now. I just need the strength to carry on.