Sunday, April 23, 2006
Mute
I think in the past month or so I have been pretty good at numbing myself from all my feelings. Definately something I had to work on. The last couple of weeks I thought I was onto something, but I guess I've set myself up for another dissapointment. I know I deserve some sort of happiness, but I just can't seem to find it. Why can't I just be happy? Even if it's temporary. There are just so many things wrong in my life. Today I honestly felt everything I was doing was pointless. Nothing made a stitch of sense. I hated it, and I was hating myself. I hated myself so much this morning I just laid in bed, awake for hours. I don't know how I'm going to pull through this week. I guess I just have to keep myself busy enough to not have time to care.
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Damn, I think there is a lot of this going around, being down on one self, and life. You do deserve to be happy, and it's out there somewhere. Suppose once we stop trying to seek it out it will fall into our laps? Guinness and I have found temporary happiness. I'm beginning to wonder if I'm trying to find happiness in all of the wrong things, possibly it's more simple than I've thought. That's me though. *shrug*
ReplyDeleteKitchenaid mixer Mervyns....$199! That's some happiness...right? Maybe one is waiting for you too!
Damn...you're quick. You must be logged into blogger. :oP lol
ReplyDeletedamn straight...
ReplyDeleteI know my solution is entirly simple... It's just freaking hard to find. Just so happen that every relationship I've had each has some sort of major defect.
ReplyDeleteI think they all have some kind of major "defect". Some you can work past others you just can't. *shrug* Is a relationship the be all for happiness though? Or is it just what you're really focused on....wait....perhaps e-mail or messenger would be easier? lol
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