I must be out of my friggin mind

That must be it. I can't really explain it otherwise. How else can I explain all these things that has been going through my head lately. Nothing makes sense. This feels like the calm before the storm for me. I know I'm getting close to the breaking point. I just need somebody to cradle me and tell me everything will be ok. All I can say is, hallucination from stress is not a fun thing. I also don't recommand tagging celibacy to that also. I can't get him out of my mind. I can't think of anything else. It's crippling. I'm so confused. I haven't felt this way in a very long time. The word "circumstance" keeps floating across my mind. What if I hadn't reacted the way I did? What would have happened then? I have so many what if's in my head. I can't think. My heart is telling me one thing, and my head is saying something else. Why do I have to be so self destructive?