Slow down

I took some time out today. Well that's an understatment, I slept till almost 1. Didn't get around to do much.

Did talked to my mom for a little while about my school/career outlook. Got a lot off my chest.... well not all of it, but a good chunk. Suck it up I guess. She told me she's been pretty proud of me for the last 10 months or so. Finally had the courage to break of the relationship, lost a lot of weight, doing well at work and school (ahem...) and such.

I'm always looking at the negative though. So that is part of why I'm so depressed all the time.

We then went for some dinner and did a little shopping. I got 2 pairs of jeans, 2 t-shirts, and a belt. I enjoy these things, and I do realize I need that friggin diploma to really enjoy it. I explained to her how hard it is for me to be in school, things I've observed. My brain isn't built the way school is designed for (if that makes sense). I'm always very short sighted. I can't see the future. Thank god I'm not alone. Thanks Lyle for telling me that.... and I'll think about visiting your crazy ass in Africa.

I've been thinking a lot about relationships lately. I really do crave one. I want to have somebody to take care of me. I'm jealous of some people I know. It was funny to hear my mom telling me how this is not even the worse scenario they have thought up. The absolute worst thing they can think of is if I had ran off to LA with him. Which was never going to happen because I can't stay in that town for long, plus I know he wasn't the responsible type. So there it was, I had my chance and I got out. I think on some level I still feel bad about it. But I guess that was the best thing for me to do.

I feel like I need to be rescued from myself sometimes. And I think today was one of those rare times when I actually got a hand from my Mom. It's not like she was not willing before, it was because she was far away. I can't really cry to someone that's a 3 hours drive away when the person next to me was totally oblivious.

I have to learn to stop digging a ditch when things don't go my way.

I do realize another thing. I enjoy having chaos in my life. Maybe it's because I grew up with such structure. Or maybe it's the way I'm wired. I don't know. My head is totally chaotic. Maybe I should learn to be a writer. I'll probably come up with something totally random. Although I have proven I'm not very creative.... very interesting.....

I did get around to watch two movies tonight, Bewitched and Fun with Dick and Jane. Pretty good I think. Have to remember to add those to the side bar. Anyway, not my point. I saw a preview for Click. Now here's the thing.... they lifted a joke right out of Family Guy. The man goes to Bed, Bath and Beyond, at the Beyond section and finds Christopher Walken and gets a Universal Remote. Good thing he didn't knock over the mugs.

Anyway I think that's all for now.... It's almost 2, I have a meeting at 8, and somebody is bugging me about switching to Verizon. Good times ^_^