the void

I feel like I've been screaming out for attention recently. Do I really feel alone enough to embrace drama? perhaps. Maybe I wouldn't have the same feelings I've been having if I lived a more interesting life. I crave the spot light. Every fiber of my being. There's a big void right smack in the center of me that I have no idea how to fill. Maybe it's not meant for me to fill it.

I've been acting in the way the people would expect me to act. In truth, I didn't have to tell anyone anything that is going on with me. But why does it make me feel a little better when I tell people these things? Maybe I just crave the feeling that somebody actually gives a shit about me.

It's ironic. I've learned that I'm actually very good at pushing people away. I have a way to keep people at a distance dispite all the things I blab about myself. It's selective. I don't think anyone truly understands me. I could argue that one person comes close, but even that person doesn't have the whole picture.

Anyway, what I'm saying is, nobody really knows me.